tonight i am hoping ::crosses fingers and knocks on wood:: to go to the local merry meet. last night r and i spent some time putting together a good play list i can blare through the living room while i work on straightening up the house. got some great music together and got the living room looking half way decent. anywho - i have to run back to work. ugh!!! last day of training, so that's awesome. the training hasn't driven me to snacking so far and i am really happy about that!!! ::grins::
have a great day kitties!!!
- Location:library
- Mood:
chipper
ok - gotta run kitties - lunch is almost over.
::squishes and lovins::
- Location:library
- Mood:
hopeful
UGH!!! i gotta take my meds kitties and get on with my super packed day of house cleaning. aiden completely helped me wreck the beast while he was home - and for the next month i want the place spotless. grr... not going to get done if i don't get off my ass. have a great weekend kitties!!! ::squishes::
- Location:library
- Mood:
hopeful - Music:groove is in the heart
aiden is in north carolina and i'm miserable about it. he's going to be gone a whole fracking month. i watch too much shin chan because i don't think i used to say that before. anyway - i miss the goober head. he flew by himself and he got delayed in atlanta twice for what seemed to me like FOREVER. finally got there and now i just want him home with his momma. sigh...
ok - i'm going to get out of here and work on my stone class i want to do. need to get off my ass about that. GRR!!! lol
have a great night kitties.
- Location:library
- Mood:
hopeful
- Location:library
- Mood:
crushed
anywho - gotta trot on off to bed. lots to get accomplished this month. i'm going to evaluate my goals for the month and prioretize my time. SQUEE!!!
::hugs and lovins::
- Location:library
- Mood:
cheerful
tonight its just trying to clean up from the trip and get the house a little neater. i took out the trash, cleaned out the litter boxes and have shoved the dirty clothes into the washer. r emptied the dishwasher for me, so if i am a good girl i will go fill it.
( super yucky TMI )
anyway - still miles to go before i sleep kitties!! i missed you! hope your weekend was good!!!
- Location:library
- Mood:
cheerful
I had a lot of energy yesterday. I turned on the music channel and started really dancing for the first time in YEARS!!! Dancing wildly like I used to alone in my room when I was in highschool late at night. Body fully given over to the music and the joy of the moment, not having to accomodate my size to do what I wanted. It made me soooooo happy!!!
So - plenty of house work to be done today. Now that the dryer is fixed lots of laundry. Want to get Aiden's room straightened out as well. Also, I finally transferred all of my stuff from my laptop onto the big computer. Oops, forgot my library catalogue! Shucks, need to get that on here soon. ::grins::
I feel better about myself than I have in ages. I feel like maybe I do have some will power in me after all. For so long I really believed I didn't anymore. That I was doomed to be a pathetic blob forever. Not because of my size, but because even though I wanted I wasn't following through on losing it. I've reached a point where I'm not obsessing over food every minute. I seem to be more focused on the pleasure of losing weight than the momentary pleasure of eating. That makes me feel strong!!! Grr!!! I know I'm silly - but really, that's how I feel.
I feel like I can finally give R the beautiful wife he deserves. He's always found me beautiful and desirable. But I've always wanted to share the girl with him that I was before I let depression take over my life. Dang on it I was cute. Not super model gorgeous, but dang cute. I have been wearing all the nice clothes I splurged on at the beginning of the year - and to a one they are all too big for me now. Not so much that I can't where them, but to the point you know I'm not the same size I was when I bought them!!! YAY!!! Which, on the surface sounds like a waste of money. But truely it wasn't. Finding clothes that made me feel cute again at the size I was gave me the confidence to really make a go at this. I really believe in fate, in the connectedness of things, timing in everything. And I feel like a lot of things came together at just the right time, in just the right mix to make things work like this and I am boundlessly grateful.
It colminated (sp?) with R and I going to the chiropractor. The assistant and I have been talking the past few weeks and she told me how much she lost through Atkins! Not pushing it on me or anything. Just conversation. And a couple weeks later I told her she'd inspired me to start. She told me she really thought I could do it. Which was what I needed to hear those first few days. And then the guy at Red Lobster, our waiter, who shared his experience with me and gave me encouragement and pointers just when I was feeling low again that first week. I really feel like meeting those people at just that time was fate. And it was oddly enough that month that I had decided that YES, I was going to make a more serious effort to lose weight. Life is full of doors and choices. And I feel so lucky that I recognized this one this time in my life.
Have a great Sunday my kitties. ::hugs you all extra tight::
- Location:library
- Mood:
jubilant
yesterday i was 210.0... today i am 208.8!!! I skipped 209 completely!!! SWEET!!! and the best part, the last two days I've had stuffed mushrooms - which completely BLEW my carb intake for the day. see they have 17 carbs - which i didn't know on the first day. so yesterday i had 23 carbs instead of my normal like 15 and i lost double the weight. actually its two days in a row that happened. and on both of those days i also did not exercise!!! so i think i have found my optimal carb intake. i need to gauge what i'm eating for the day to be about 23-25 carbs total. i have the little pee sticks to insure that i am still burning fat by means of my ketone count - so that is cool. and fina-fuckingly i got off my period yesterday. 10 fucking days of bleeding this time. WTF!?! not cool. one more day and i was going to a doctor and demanding they cut out my ovaries. hey, just more dead weight gone in my mind.
i am really, really happy about my progress so far. ::knocks on wood:: i feel like i've come a long way. it was SOOO hard to not give in the first week. i feel like i am on firmer ground these days. its way easier to say no, but i won't lie the temptations are still there. what gets me are those moments of forgetting. like, i'll think in the morning when i'm still tired - gee what should i have for breakfast, and i'll go - oh toast is easy!!! lol... but then i remember oh..... shucks, can't eat that till january. ::grins:: that's right. i am sticking like glue to this diet until i dig the girl i was back out from under all this fat. she's what i want for so many reasons and no one is stopping me from getting her but me. and its time i let her back out.
oops, i need to go take my vitamins. had forgotten about them until now. boogers....
ok kitties... hope you're having a great weekend!!!
- Location:library
- Mood:
accomplished
its been a rough two days. started yesterday with my cellphone dying at an inopportune time. i was at home eating my lunch when r calls the house. apparently he's been trying to reach me, and so had aiden's summer camp because the kid had forgotten to bring his lunch. since they couldn't get me r had to leave work to take it to him. so r lost time at work. that evening i get another call from r just as i was stripping out of my clothes for the day. his car was acting up. before two minutes the car had died in the middle of a hugely busy three lane road during rush hour. sigh... so we have to get a tow truck. we have to communicate on two mostly dead cell phones (i plugged mine in for ten minutes before having to leave the house again). we get the car to the place we had it fixed last time and the part is three weeks out of warrenty. we can get a good part to replace it - but the total cost = nearly 900 bucks. we can go the cheap fix for about 400+ 90 for the tow. we're just hoping that we can have his car survive another year so we can save to get him a newer one. his is a 95. it has had shite loads of expensive problems in the three years we've had it. this is the third altenator in that amount of time... sigh...
last night the dryer also stopped working. thank the great fluffy bunnies it is under warrenty. but the damn thing is only two weeks old so it really grinds my gears you know. i am grateful they had a saturday appointment for me to get it fixed. at least i don't have to take off more time from work.
last night i came SOOOO closing to caving and eating pizza for dinner. r helped me through it and i just ate the cheese and some chicken wings. he said if i was going to blow the diet it should at least be over something i REALLY wanted, not just plain cheese pizza. i ended up with 22 carbs for the day which blows. but it was actually largely the fault of the protein bar i had at lunch. 12 grams for that alone! so no more of those fuckers! it didn't even taste good. i can have a little debbie 100 calorie snack cake for the exact same amount of carbs and it will at least taste good! not going to eat those yet either. today makes my first full week on the atkins. 211.6 yesterday, 211.2 this morning. i feel i will do better in the morning because i kept my carbs at 10.2 grams today and i added an extra half a mile to my 3 mile morning bike ride (stationary) and 50 crunches. my co-workers and i even went out to eat at a restraunt today and i stuck to my diet without any real trouble!!! i was very proud!
having aiden home has been really, really great. he's been so well behaved and sweet. i hate it when he's gone!!!
r has been WONDERFUL to me lately, especially today. he knows i've been really stressed out lately because of all the crap, so many extra unexpected bills this month (the car is just the icing on the cake this month) and then the diet and my period to boot. so he offered to make dinner tonight and he got all the information together to deal with the dryer and was going to do it himself AND he cleaned the kitchen as i had been saying i would for the last 4 days. if you knew how he was about making phone calls at all, let alone to strangers, you'd realize what a huge thing his offer to handle the dryer thing was and how special it made me feel. he really loves me and its the most awesome thing in the world!!!
shoot yeah, also the air conditioner isn't keeping the house as cool as its supposed to. so that's pissing me off too. UGH!!! lol... shit happens. with all the bad stuff i'm still so happy and grateful for what i've got - even if i whine about the other stuff.
i think i'm going to start a new sewing project to help me take my mind off of food. and i'm going to start a new video game i haven't played. we've had it forever - but i sucked at shooter when we got it. now i'm good at them and want to try my hand at it. we recently hooked the ps2 back up in our bedroom so i played resident evil 4 for the first time. beat it twice as leon and once as ada so far!!! i LOVES it! got the unlimited rocket launcher for leon!!! ::grins::
hope everyone is having a great day. now that the library is in order i seem to be spending more time in here on the net again so that's cool. get to post more often.
night kitties. i'm off to kiss my hubby, tuck the wee one into bed and figure out the rest of my evening. ::squishes::
- Location:library
- Mood:
tired
in other less whiney news - we started putting up the family photos this past weekend!!! i am soooo excited about that! i've been trying to talk myself into doing it for months. i'm glad i finally did. the entry way is almost done, and i spent a good chunk of time going through photos we took on our trip to find ones for the walls. also went through the wedding photos and that was tons and TONS of FUN!!! god i love my hubby. love him more every single day though it hardly seems possible. my soulmate and best friend through and through. he gave me a big hug when i got home pouting after the store today. he'd made dinner for me and it was delicious. i pre-organized several meals so all we'd have to do in the evenings is through them on the grill. i'm totally not up for a long wait time for dinner or big effort when i get home these days.
anyways, aside from the whole grocery store fiasco thing i was feeling really super all day. i've met my 15 pounds lost for the year goal. i'm feeling productive at work. i have my dream home - or at least a home of my own which has always been my huge dream. aiden is slowly coming around at school. and i've been progressing on my reading schedule which makes me feel really great. i feel like i've been getting a handle on our finances finally and getting the family dental work in hand and lined up. losing weight was my last big obstacle. i feel like for the first time in my life i'm really in control. i mean i still believe in the wild and randomness in life. so by control i mean as far as control is possible in reality. but like i am truely being proactive in steering the course of all the aspects of my life that i feel need it. i've always been very goal oriented - but i never seemed able to juggle all the things in my life i felt were my responsibility. for the first time ever, all the balls are moving. they don't have to always move smoothly, as long as i keep them going. i truely feel good and strong for the first time ever. i am confident in a way that i've only ever managed to outwardly seem before. i am happy, ::knocks on wood:: and grateful and full of plans!!! it still seems as if there are never enough hours in the day. but right this second i'm not beating myself up because of it. and that feels like a real triumph. does that make sense? ::shrugs and grins::
hope everyone is doing well. love and squishes!!!
- Mood:
accomplished
i started mowing the back yard this morning. going to have to try and talk myself into going out there and finishing it. sigh... alright. ::grabs self by boot straps::
hope everyone is having a great weekend!!!
- Location:library
- Mood:
giddy - Music:t.A.T.u.
- Location:library
- Mood:
accomplished
its only our first day with it. i'll let you know how it holds up in the long run. i got a three year extended warrenty on it. not throwing out that chunk of change for it to break down on me in a year. GRINS!!!
hugs and lovins my kitties.
- Location:library
- Mood:
accomplished - Music:roomba running
lets see, i read the accidental friends trilogy this past two weeks. i have a real hankering to read my old chemistry text book. which i am afraid i put in the box o books for charity.
i organized the snot out of my library yesterday. tomorrow the appraiser is coming over so we can get the ball rolling on refinancing the house. i hope to heck that works out well. i'm getting nervous about it.
we went on vaction over the memorial day weekend to arkansas where there's tons of quartz!!! it was WONDERFUL. i'll upload pics soonish. probably.
i was hoping that posting would help me gather my thoughts this morning - but it seems not. sigh...
i was down to 215 on my diet. i was so super proud!!! since the trip i'm back at 218. very depressing. next trip i need to plan to have healthier food available. ::grins::
ok - so mental slap. this is what i need to do. aiden is gone for the summer. i need to plan a regiment of exercise and study to use this time wisely and get the house in shape for when he returns. i need to list the things that need to be done around the house and make a calender for when i will accomplish each goal. ok kitties. enough sitting on my bum this morning. i'm off to get things accomplished!!!
i do still read when i can. i miss you all very much. my life has just been hectic lately.
- Location:library
- Mood:
determined
today we're going to try our hand at making hibachi for the second time. the first time was great. this time will be even better. more garlic kitties!!! that's my goal. lol
yesterday the newest charlaine harris book arrived. dead and gone. i have to say it has made me soooooo freaking happy and yet the ending was just heart tearing. i don't want to ruin it for you - but things can so seriously NEVER be the same. its devastating and i am heart broken.
i'd also finally recieved Pride and Prejudice and Zombies... FANTABULOUS!!! i had to re-watch the the newest version of the movie. i love ALL the versions - but i really love the newest.
I ADORE MR. DARCY!!! He's my hero. The whole back story with the girls is odd. But you know - I freaking thought the Charlotte Mr. Collins ending was classic. Mind you I like Charlotte - but it made Mr. Collins some what redeamable? I don't know - he's still a douche bag. But at least a douche bag that loved his wife. ::beams:: Someone out there please read this so we can goosh together!!!I've been doing a ton of reading lately and that's really made me feel good. Felt like my old self, without the baggage of the bad parts of those times in my life.
- Location:living room
- Mood:
happy - Music:aiden watching pokemon
lets see. i've also been doing some fiction reading. I read Day by Day Armageddon, Dying to Live, and World War Z in the past week. I read The Accidental Werewolf last week. Still working on Drawing Down the Moon. Love that book so far and its so interesting to read after having read the Triumph of the Moon to have it in perspective. I'm glad I read that first. Trying to decide what I'm going to pick up next. No other huge books till I get done with Drawing. I think short ones interspersed should keep me finishing things. But I do so want to tackle one of my Joseph Campbell's. Sigh... The delimas of the book junkies. How sad. lol
The huge project of doom I was spear heading at work finally got printed. We distibute it at OTC in May, so neatness. The alarming thing about being lead author is you know, some one might actually expect me to know something on the spot. Or call wanting facts. UGH!!! Not my thing kitties. I took notes on everything like a fiend though - so hopefully I'll make it through relatively unscathed. lol Here's to hoping. Next year the hubby will be helping me circumvent the printing issues I encountered this year. When I understand things about printing better than our people in charge of that stuff? Well then there's a MAJOR problem. Sigh... So glad to be married to a fellow geek. ::grins:: Even though we geek in seperate fields at times (mine obviously not including spelling, sadly)
My garden is doing nicely. I even have two black berries and several tomatoes I'm waiting on to ripen. Very EXCITED about that! They didn't die yet! HURRAY!!! lol
so vacations planned for the year. we're going at the end of may to look for rocks for a few days in the mountains of arkansas. best place in USA for quartz deposits. also, has the only public park on a diamond deposit where you can keep any diamonds that you find. they'll even tell you where you can get any big ones you find cut. several mines for quartz and other neato rocks we're planning to hit. i'm hoping to use the information i get in my rock class. need to get off my ass about that project. but reading that book on color was a big key to what i want to teach. r says i'm a geek because i decided rock hunting was an appropriate family vacation destination. sigh... well, he's excited too! ::pokes out tongue::
in october we're going to elizabeth city for several days in october. i bought the tickets this morning and we've cleared the time off from work. its right around aiden's b-day - so that will be cool. so no backing out this time. first time we've been up there since we moved in 2006. it will be very weird. but i miss my friends. ::beams::
ok, that's it for tonight kitties. more reading to do and video games to play. aiden is kicking ass on warriors of orochi and i have to go defend my gaming honor. lol, have a great night kitties!
- Location:bed
- Mood:
accomplished
good morning everyone!!! i miss you all. we're all doing well - just been super busy lately. lets see, I finally finished the book pillars of the earth. it was one of r's all time favorites, its also one long son of beast. but it was GOOD. so not in my normal vein of reading. i have hardly ever hated characters so much or wished so hard for other's triumph. pretty dang cool.
i'm less than one pages from finishing the physics and chemistry of color and nearly 200 pages into drawing down the moon by margot adler.
i'm at 536 books in my excel sheet. i'm archiving my library. once i finish it i will be uploading it to the goodreads.com site. really excited about that.
aiden had four teeth pulled yesterday. it was HORRIBLE. unimaginably horrible. and having seen horror movies where that's a form of torture? yeah - i felt EVIL. but he needed it done.
anywho - i have to run to work kitties!!! much loves and squishes.
- Location:living room
- Mood:
chipper
aiden and i rocked on the swing a long time today. he let his mind wander through a stream of fantasy and mischief and kept me cracking up the whole time. it was a ton of fun. i taught him how to spread peanut butter for a sandwich today. he didn't want to learn as having mommy make the sandwich is far easier. little pooper!!! by his age i was fairly self sufficient. i was a microwaving QUEEN. lol. ::shrugs::
we went to a small pagany type festival yesterday. we all had pics of our auras taken. it was a lot of fun. spent more than we should have, but it was a good time all around. i don't ever think i'm going to fit in down here with the locals though. but i also don't think now is the right time in my life to be looking for another group.
i feel a little lost on my days off from work still since i'm not in school. nothing is pressing and motivating me to do stuff. and house work bites ass. if we can ever afford it we're hiring a freaking maid. someone to do dishes, laundry, and cart the trash out. maybe vaccum, sweep, and mop too. ugh... those things are not my prioreties.
we got resident evil 5 last night. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. so that will likely be occupying us for a little while. gosh i'm thirsty as heck - going to go out and scrounge up something to drink and try to figure out dinner.
miss you my kitties! ::huggins::
- Location:r's office
- Mood:
blah
